Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Blessings in Disguise

I am so frustrated. I feel like I am putting far more into the relationships in my life than my counterparts are. Nope, not talking about the hubby, he always gives me his 100%. I am talking about friendships and other family relationships.

I send cards, I send packages, I send notes on Facebook or I text just to let them know that they are being thought of and it feels good to do those things. It does make me sad however that I have to always be the one to do so (there are very few exceptions and those individuals know who they are). It bangs away at my self esteem. It comes back to questions such as "Are they angry at me?" or "Don't they miss me the way that I miss them?"

Then I think to myself "Was my mother right when she told me that I would always demand more from people than I deserve, more than they can give?"

I have to stop with the negative feelings. I don't need to go back to the old whispers. My husband has helped me to heal so much. I have those who always remember me and I would rather have a few who love me, a few who I really matter too versus tons of people who don't really know me.

I am a good person. I am kind and loving. I am a giving person. I will continue to heal and I am free from the strangleholds of my past. I will become the person I want to be, not because someone else wants me to be her, but because I want to be her.

I will always reach out to others, I will always have those in my life that I have to reach out to or never hear from. I suppose that is just the role that I have been given. Those who want to be in my life, who want to see me do well, will always be there, even if I have to reach out to them. For that, I am blessed.

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